In May, Nick Guthe lost his wife, , to suicide after she struggled for 13 months with debilitating post-COVID-19 symptoms.
Ferrer, a screenwriter for the popular TV drama 鈥淒awson鈥檚 Creek,鈥� leaves behind Guthe and their 13-year-old son.
Her symptoms began with pain in her feet 鈥� a symptom that would later become known as COVID toes. Guthe originally thought it was plantar fasciitis but their physician disagreed.
Ferrer鈥檚 condition worsened to the point where she could barely walk downstairs in their house.
Both Guthe and Ferrer had received negative COVID-19 cheek swab tests. Ferrer鈥檚 next test, a more specific method developed by Stanford researcher Dr. Bruce Patterson, came back positive when she went to get tested a while later.
She experienced a number of , Guthe says. She started having intestinal problems, diarrhea and aches all over her body. Guthe says his wife was exhausted from just walking up the stairs.
鈥淪he would ask me to carry glasses of water upstairs,鈥� he says. 鈥淔or anything slightly heavy, I would carry upstairs for her.鈥�
Ferrer was referred to a at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, but the referral arrived the day before Ferrer died by suicide.
In one entry on her blog, , Ferrer shared how she felt dealing with the long-term symptoms of the virus.
鈥淚n my darkest moments, I told my husband that if I didn鈥檛 get better, I did not want to live like this,鈥� she . 鈥淚 wasn鈥檛 suicidal, I just couldn鈥檛 see any quality of life long term and there was no end in sight.鈥�
Despite that, she encouraged other long-haulers like her to hold onto hope. 鈥淚 believe this in my bones. If you鈥檙e suffering from this monster, you will eventually make it out,鈥� Ferrer wrote.
A by researcher Dr. Leo Sher delved into post-COVID-19 syndrome and suicide risk found a high probability that symptoms of psychiatric, neurological and physical illnesses, along with inflammation damage to the brain, in individuals with post-COVID syndrome can increase suicidal thoughts.
This doesn鈥檛 surprise Guthe. He recalls his wife telling him she felt disconnected, like a fog was over her. She also felt pressure in her brain, he says.
If Guthe could say anything to doctors, it would be to assume anyone with multiple symptoms is a COVID-19 long-hauler. It鈥檚 important for their psychological health, he says, that medical professionals listen to them.
It鈥檚 also crucial to advise them on which medications to take and monitor them closely, Guthe notes, in addition to setting them up with mental health support right away.
In the last month of her life, Ferrer said something to Guthe on her condition that broke his heart.
鈥淪he said, 鈥業 feel like I鈥檓 a robot that鈥檚 malfunctioning,鈥� 鈥� he says. 鈥溾�� She had burning in her lungs when she tried to sleep at night. Her heart, you know, the circulatory system was haywire. She literally felt like every single system in her body, including her brain, was just short circuiting.鈥�
Guthe says that others who are struggling with long-hauler symptoms can reach him at her blog where he鈥檒l refer them to people who can help. He鈥檚 already been in contact with some of his wife鈥檚 friends in support groups who have received a new medical treatment that seems promising.
It鈥檚 bittersweet that it comes just a month after he told his wife to hang on, he says. If there are breakthroughs in the next few months, Guthe says he鈥檒l be happy for anyone who would benefit, but he鈥檒l still be haunted by it for the rest of his life.
Guthe says he speaks with Ferrer all the time. He says he knows the pain she was in and doesn鈥檛 judge her for taking her own life, having watched her and known what it took for her to get to that point.
鈥淚 can鈥檛 live in the past,鈥� he says, 鈥淚鈥檓 just really just trying to honor her spirit now.鈥�
If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, contact the at 1-800-273-8255 (En Espa帽ol: 1-888-628-9454; Deaf and Hard of Hearing: 1-800-799-4889) or the by texting 741741.
produced this interview and edited it for broadcast with . adapted this interview for the web.
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